Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm too high and old for this...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
