I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
