I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
