You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
