do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
farters have to be the big spoon...
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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