i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
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