I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
