But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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