I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Randomize
