I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
