i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
