did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
