Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
