Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
