dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
