do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Im part way to drunk.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
