Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Randomize
