I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
