I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
