Say something about gay babies.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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