He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
