3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
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this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
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Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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