I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
