I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
