so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
