i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
