I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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