I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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