this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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