Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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