Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
