No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I looked at my own cervix.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
