Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
