i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
