I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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