You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
love makes seman taste better
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
