I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
