If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
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I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
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