Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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