you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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