i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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