Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
