Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Randomize
