I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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