she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
