I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
