haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
