Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
