Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
