dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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