She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I AM VODKA MAN
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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