i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
