All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
