I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
