i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
