Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
