There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My life is pants optional.
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