I want to walk on stilts...naked
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
