How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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