I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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