like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
