allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
