I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
