its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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