hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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