I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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